This last weekend I was celebrating my best friend’s birthday, she would have been 31 (see a post about what I did last year here) but died from cancer, September 21, 2010 at the age of 29. I decided to go on a hike that she and I had done together more than a few times with our kids. I was hoping that the lily field would be in bloom but it looks like it will be a few more weeks (it has been unseasonably cold).
There were some very cute little blossoms on a bush that I think was a huckleberry bush but I am not all that sure.
This hike felt great and it was so beautiful out during the morning, I felt very at calm but still felt like something was missing. After I finished the hike I wanted to try a few other hikes and headed out to Beacon Rock but it was so windy I could hardly push my car door open against the force of the wind so I skipped that one.
I felt myself searching the rest of the afternoon feeling like I was looking for something. Feeling quite discontent and restless at every stop I made. Finally after driving over the Bridge of the Gods (which I wished I was walking over, what a view) I pulled over. I stood at a wall looking over the cliff at the bridge. Suddenly I realized that I could not find contentment in this journey, on this day, because some small part of me was still trying to find my friend.
This realization was amazing, maybe a bit overwhelming as well. I don’t know why but it didn’t even cross my mind the last few times I have attempted to really concentrate on celebrating or remembering her. Those times have included: her birthday last year when she would have turned 30, the 1 year anniversary of her death (also my daughters birthday), or most of this day, spent searching and feeling incomplete and dissatisfying. So although that realization has me in tears (literally) I think it did make me come one step closer to dealing with her death and oddly making that day feel more complete.
Emilia Brasier Photography 
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